Are you a different race than you think you are? created with QuizFarm.com

You scored as latino you a latina or a latino latino 92% black 75% white 67% asian 58%

THAT'S how drunk I am getting tonight - srsly, fuck the ganja, we are drinking juice tonight friends

I miss eating at tables. I miss sitting in chairs at tables eating dinner. I miss finding memories at random in my room. I miss the sense of home that has never come back since the hurricane. I miss the friends I drove away, and the future I think I killed. I think every day about horrible things, and sometimes, I just don't think I will survive the next day. I hope I won't, even. I hate wondering if I need to submit myself for medical attention, because I have no concept of what I can handle, and what I can't.

I sleep in my car. I can't sleep at home, so I sleep in my car. And when I get upset, I feel guilty for even mentioning it. I hope.. That gives people some closure. Knowing that I broke myself. What a horrible thing to say, I know people would resent that very statement. But I just can't please anyone, it seems. But I mean it. If I die, I hope that someone learns something from my life. I think.. That would make me happier than anything, at the moment.

the act of dehumanizing people into stereotypes has ruined me and made me, and left me two dimensional.

I always really like it in the summer. The rain is like a by-product of clashing tension. Even though the heat makes everyone cranky, for an hour or two every day, it's okay, because there are the summer rains. I've been missing them lately because of work, but today they came late. As I was enjoying the rain, my grandmother called. She was really upset and I thought something really bad must have happened because my grandmother is a rock.

My dad described it as a really loud boom. I'm glad it was such a clash of the titans. Skippy was no match for the car, but he was a tough nut to crack.

We took him to our old house on 28th St. He really liked it there, and I'm just sad we never cleaned it up in time to bring him back while he was still alive. I hadn't even seen my backyard before today, but our fig tree is knocked over and the yard is overgrown with weeds. The huge holes Skippy liked to dig were still there though. We tried to fill them in when we lived there, but they survived that and the flood.

So... I mean. I don't know what the protocol is for burying pets, but we put him in a tough bag a new neighbor gave us and we did our best. I don't think he would have liked it at our new house.. It just wasn't a nice neighborhood. Skippy really liked nice neighbors.

I know he was a handful, but I can't believe I ever resented it. He was just excited to see us. Andrew isn't going to take this well. I'm glad he didn't see it happen, though.

The burial was really a process. Around the time we finished, it stopped raining, and my dad and I stopped crying and went to get some water. Digging holes is hard work.

Graduation: May 16th. Nuts.

I am no closer to understanding the world than I was when I started high school. Okay, maybe a little closer. I was so obsessed with things that now don't mean anything to me. Now, I guess I still am, a little. I try to look past those things to the big, bad world, but I think that is harder for some people than others.

I have always wondered why some of the smartest people I knew were on so many drugs, or were addicted to video games or something else, and I think it's because the smarter you are, the more you know, the more you understand, the worse things look sometimes. If you are observant and thoughtful, life seems really boring, or it seems really scary, or overwhelming, and so people have to find a way they can participate without being blinded by it. Everything seems a little mundane, so why not spend your time fucked up? Why not play games all the time? But in order to come to terms with ourselves, and our surroundings, we have to have a clear mind. I am guilty of many sins, but I don't want to be the one caught off gaurd when the time comes to step up.

I don't ignore life, but on drugs, or video games, or social bliss, I look from a different perspective, one of someone who is part of a different world. Well, I intend to fix this over the summer by getting a job and trying to be a real person instead of a fake person. I don't want to need sunglasses, I want to be a part of life. If people weren't so busy worrying about where they fit in and things like that, they would fall into place, because as long as you are alive, you are destined for something.

I am so embarassed reading my live journal from when I started high school. I remember my first high school crush, a boy on the academic games team, and my first 'new friend' and when I first started hanging out with older kids, and my first boyfriend, and my first heartbreak, and my multitude of best friends, and my huge collection of best days ever. Life hasn't been so bad to me that I need to look at it's shadow. Okay, so maybe I can't stare into the sun, but I can see the way it lights things up. Maybe with that perspective in mind, I will finally fall into place as well.

okay, so I'm being wildly emotional here, but bear with me, it won't be painful.

so today, I am in art class. I am thinking about art class at DLS and how much better it was. satisfied with this knowledge, I put away my art and line up to leave [how much of my art have I lost? oh, woe] and this woman student teacher is reminding us that we need to bring in shoes that mean something, not something we've just bought. I only have one pair of shoes that qualify, and they are my old PUMAs, the only shoes I have left from my time in NO [besides some floaties that are alright, they aren't mine though]. I decide, yes, those will be my shoes. I think I told someone who couldn't care less, I am bringing in my PUMAs, they are my only shoes from New Orleans and they smell too much to be worn.

and I just started crying. not sobbing or anything dramatic, but just crying. I am crying now, thinking about it. No one even noticed. I am glad, I tried to be discreet, but I was pretty intense nonetheless.

this makes me so sad, I don't know why, and I can't even think about it anymore, so I am going to post it. I pretty much just want to cry all the time now. I miss the rest of my family so much and I hate being here alone. I mean... I love my immediate family, but some companionship would be nice. My mom nagged me to eat soup all day, so I did, but I didn't like it.

Sorry. I need to talk to my doctor, probably.

my PUMAs are dumb anyway.

edit: (there are two ways this feeling can go, either I become more embittered and my heart weighed down with more black thoughts I use to avoid responsibility, or maybe I make the best of the situation and make new friends and my whole world is loads better.)

please, don't insult my love for tradition.

double edit: in english, we always do special intentions, and I always laugh inside when people intend for themselves, but I am no better. Every day I intend for my family, and it's purely selfish because I'd be lost without every single one of them, extd. and otherwise.

so this weekend I was all set to go out and get wasted, but I have been tired and cranky, so I just decided to stay home, and I figured that it would be for the best.

Still, I feel dumbtarded. I hate being in Memphis sooooo much sometimes, but other times it's as if it isn't that bad, simply because I haven't been that bad here. I haven't been really good either....

edit: apparently, cloves makes my lungs bleed, but because they are a mild sedative, I can't feel it.

uhh... hot?

[EDIT again] speaking of hot:( it was bigger than I thought )

Liz - procrastination= 5 hours
Liz + coffee + Kaluah + 5 hours = term paper
Coffee + Kaluah may be substituted for vodka.

avg. grade: poor. really poor.
I have gone through a can of coffee in 5 days. MRRRR.
Number of all nighters this week: 3
:(

okay, break time is over.

EDIT: OMG I WAITED UNTIL FRIDAY THE 13TH TO DO MY PAPER.... MWAAARHGHGHGHGHHGHGGHG.
I'm really stressed out, considering this is school work. This weekend will be party time! Expect phone calls. Yeah, even you. It's a three day weekend, so I'm sure I can reach everyone if I try.

bubble bubble says my coffee.
MWAR GRAG says my homework.

I am frrrreaking out. The movie Hostel scared me so much.. I'm worrying about shadows in my window [I hope].:( mmmmm. I shouldn't have gone to see that movie, but I am just so curious!

murrrrrrrrr. this is torture. [haha, get it?]

In 30 minutes, I am going to make coffee and turn on every light in the house. and close my freaky closet.
also: I made a to do list! how exciting! I am readdyyyy. and, I've been taking my Zoloft again! just the thought of it makes me feel better.


[EDIT] AHHHH A CAR ALARM! I CAN FEEL THE PEOPLE HUNTERS COMINGGGGGGGG

Did you know that Virgin is planning space tourism? wtf? I thought that was just a far away dream.. apparently in like two years it will be happening for about 200,000 dollars. That sounds really cool, but I think I'm going to wait for prices to go down a little.

whoah, it didn't occur to me that I would not want to be on the first few flights for anything until I read about re-entry, and I was like, don't the space ships usually land in the middle of the ocean? that would be so freaking scary. Anyway, here it is. One day, when I'm rich and not afraid of re-entry, maybe I will consider it more. Sorry I'm posting a lot, but that was so cool, and I would've forgotten.

whoah - oh.

I am so boreeed out of my mind. I want to get some new video games, but I really need to write this psychology paper on the social reasons people laugh. Like, REALLY. I am going to visualize it every night before I go to bed to encourage me working on it. I'm working now [or I was] but now I'm listening to Evil Wizard Rock, so I'm taking a break.

if anyone has any advice on where to find information for this paper, I'd totally appreciate it, but I think InfoTrac might suffice.

Is this, or is it not, the hottest picture you've ever seen? This should be my default myspace picture.

It reminds me of last year when someone told me she hated talking about spiders because her uncle was killed by one, though she didn't know what kind. I was like, BS, the most poisonous spiders live in South America and Australia! We do have black widows and brown recluses, but black widows only kill the young, old, and sickly. Brown Recluses don't kill the whole entity, but they make the affected area begin to die. So yeah, there's my spider fix.

PS GO SEE HOSTEL! It was gory and great! I screamed the whole time, then I had a cigarette when it was over. More intense than sex, fo sho.

I feel like I'm in seventh grade again. I've been so touchy and bitchy since school started. I pretty much professed my love for someone today, but hey, whatever. I can profess my love for whoever I want. It's like.. I'm standing on the brink of something new and fabulous and awesome, but I am too lazy to go through the motions of jumping. I need to work things out with all of my teachers tomorrow about passing school [I hate that this is even an issue, I'm so embarrassed.] Fortunately, since I was in the hospital for a month and I'm displaced, they're all being really generous. [sigh] At least it's only an issue in two classes. But since I have decided I want to pursue archaeology or some other social science, I am pretty much determined to pass last semester and get good grades this semester. It makes me so frustrated the idea of trying and failing, that I just don't try.

On the upside of things, I may be getting a job soon. My parents have promised that any money I save up for college they will meet. That's a really sweet deal, and since I'm getting a savings account, now I can ration money to myself rather than blowing it all on alcohol and sushi. Sekisui is SO GOOD by the way. If you're coming up for my graduation, we definitely need to go there.

Also, there's this place here called Trilogy which will pierce my tongue! yeah, so that's cool. My parents will have to be out of the loop though, they would probably disown me. We're bickering about college payments right now, but it's pretty obvious I will be in debt when I leave college. I just need to get a job and work the whole time, because there is no way I am going to be paying off loans at 30.

This girl, she's my friend I guess, has been really bothering me today. She always hits me and stuff, and then she started rubbing her hands all over my face right after she had eaten and I was so mortified I pushed her away rather forcibly, in the face. I warned her, but people never seem to listen. Now my nose is all splotchy, and I think she's angry at me. I've been really catty lately. I have a free period where me and some girls just sit around and talk shit. If anyone were to find out, I'd probably own up. It's not like I owe them anything after all the rude comments I've heard about my home, and my school work habits and everything. I have anxiety problems, and I just can't deal with a school where the dumbest little freaks know everything about everyone.

Yeah, anyway, I'm thinking I should get back on my meds, I was a lot happier then. So I will, because I don't want people to just think I'm some fat and sassy bitch.

Sorry for ranting, I'm just freaking out.

I have been so stressed this holiday season, but it was worth it to be in the city I love with the people I love!! I will miss you all every day until I see you again, but life goes on right? I've made some friends in Memphis, and even though they aren't my old friends, they are just as good. I feel a lot more isolated now than before, but I have to press on without anyone's encouragement but my own sometimes.

Best thing about the New Year: fresh start, yay.
Worst thing about the New Year: Being in Memphis without my extended family. :(
New Year's Resolution: Get into a good college and graduate!
Personal aspiration: to be independent enough to live without my support system.
worst aspiration of the Old Year: assasinating someone
best aspiration of the Old Year: deciding not to drop out of high school

It's really hard for me not to just sit around and mope, but I'm trying.

01. Smoked.
02. Drank alcohol.
03. Cried when someone died.
04. Been drunk.
05. Had sex.
06. Been to a concert.
07. Given a hand job/gotten a hand job.
08. Given a blow job/gotten a blow job.
09. Been verbally/sexually harassed.
10. Verbally/sexually harassed somebody.
11. Felt someone up and/or been felt up.
12. Laughed hard something came out of your nose.
13. Cheated on a boyfriend/girlfriend before.
14. Been cheated on by a boyfriend/girlfriend.
15. Been to prom.
16. Cried at school.
17. Gotten lost in a WalMart or a department store.
18. Went streaking.
19. Given a lap dance.
20. Had someone of the opposite sex in your room.
21. Had someone of the opposite sex sleep over.
22. Slept over at someone of the opposite sex's house.
23. Kissed a stranger.
24. Hugged a stranger.
25. Went scuba diving.
26. Driven a car.
27. Gotten an xray.
28. Gotten hit by a car.
29. Had a party.
30. Done drugs.
31. Played strip poker.
32. Got paid to strip for someone.
33. Ran away from home.
34. Broken a bone.
35. Eaten sushi.
36. Bought porn.
37. Watched porn.
38. Made porn.
39. Had a crush on someone of the same sex.
40. Been in love.
41. Frenched kissed.
42. Laughed so hard you cried.
43. Cried yourself to sleep.
44. Laughed yourself to sleep.
45. Stabbed yourself.
46. Shot a gun.
47. Trash talked someone and then acted like their best friend the next day.
48. Watched TV for 9 consecutive hours.
49. Been on line for 9 consecutive hours.
50. Watched an animal die.
51. Watched a person die.
52. Had sex and/or messed around somwhere with at least one other person present.
53. Pranked somebody.
54. Put somebody in the hospital.
55. Snuck into someone's room and/or your own room after being out.
56. Kissed somebody of the same sex.
57. Dressed punk.
58. Dressed goth.
59. Dressed preppy.
60. Been to a motocross race.
61. Avoided somebody.
62. Been stalked.
63. Stalked someone.
64. Met a celebrity.
65. Played an instrument.
66. Ridden a horse.
67. Cut yourself.
68. Bungee jumped.
69. Ding dong ditched somebody.
70. Been to a wild party.
71. Got caught stealing something.
72. Kicked a guy in the balls.
73. Stolen a boyfriend/girlfriend from a friend.
74. Went out with your friend's crush.
75. Got arrested.
76. Been pregnant.
77. Babysat.
78. Been to another country.
79. Set your house on fire.
80. Had an encounter with a ghost.
81. Donated your hair to cancer patients.
82. Been asked out by someone that you never thought you'd be asked out by.
83. Cried over a member of the opposite sex.
84. Had a boyfriend/girlfriend for over 3 months.
85. Sat on your ass all day.
86. Ate a whole carton of ice cream all by yourself in one sitting.
87. Had a job.
88. Gotten cut from a sports team.
89. Been called a whore.
90. Danced like a whore.
91. Been mistaken for a celebrity.
92. Been in a car accident.
93. Been told you have beautiful eyes.
94. Been told you have beautiful hair.
95. Raped somebody.
96. Danced in the rain.
97. Been rejected.
98. Walked out of a restaurant without paying.
99. Punched someone/slapped someone in the face

My score: 16. apparently that's a lot, but probably not. I want to try everything before I die: just call me a Sensate, they are hot.

btw, Chanel nail polish is totally worth it. Paolo is coming soon!!! I am still not packed. I'll do it when my nails dry.

I'm coming in town tonight, and I am SOOOO READY to leave the hell hole of Memphis!! I don't know when I'm getting in, but def. in time to do things tomorrow! ohmigod, I'm about to cry this is so exciting. I seriously think all this energy will manifest itself in the form of fire, and then I will be cool as hell. What an oxymoron. I have to go before I flip out!

I am not sure how I lived my entire life without medicine. After not taking it for a week, I feel like shit. How much of this is psychosomatic, I don't know. Also, how much of it is the fact that my body has adapted to the medicine so that without it I feel worse than I did before I ever started. I hate psychoactive drugs, and I think I pretty much always will.

Last night I went to the Ho-ho Ho dance. Suprise, it's a dance of ho's and boys wanting to meet hos. I was pretty appaled with some of the behaivour, but it was still really fun. Girls here really let loose. I went as a sexy reindeer, in a brown satin corset and a short brown skirt with tan fishnets and gold heels. And a cashmere sweater and a wool coat. I was really cold. I looked really classy though, as opposed to slutty. Oh well, we can't win 'em all. Afterwards I went over to my friend Erika's house and we went swimming and had a bonfire. It was really cool, I'm glad I went.

Tomorrow: Physics Study Session w/ Jill! Jill's from NO, so we like to hang a lot. Coming up: New Orleans! Yay!

I am so exhausted. For the first time in MONTHS it will be me and my family rocking out again, together, like the Turtles or KISS. Not to mention, I am really hoping to get some quality friend time in. I will miss the nippy weather, but it is so worth it! When I heard about what happened in Lakeview many months ago, I had this huge plan that involved climbing over a rope and swimming to my house no matter what. My dad was helping me plan this, and I was steeling myself for swimming through disease ridden water and finding corpses in my neighborhood. I was going to hold my breath and dive under that fucking water to get some important papers and then I was going to stan on my roof and scream with victory.

It was a pretty elaborate plan, but seriously, I have been desperate to go home since then. I haven't even been yet, and I'm really scared. People have been looting our house, too. The doors were forced open and the piles had been rearranged. That's so sad, if they need stuff that badly, they can have it. Unfortunately for me, you can't steal friends. I have been so lonely and missing every single little thing about everyone and everything. Seriously, but my doctor tells me this is euphoric recall, and I should try to remember some of the bad things too.

I am so desperate lately, and I really kind've hate what this whole situation is doing to me.

Anyway, I really hope I get to see everyone, even if it's people I don't like. The day I leave New Orleans is going to be so awful. I have so many problems letting go of the past.

Open iTunes/iPod or Windows Media Player to answer the following. Go to your library. Answer, no matter how embarrassing it is.

How many songs: 685
Sort by song title:
First Song: 3 A.M. by Matchbox Twenty
Last Song: Your Possible Pasts by Pink Floyd

Sort by time:
Shortest Song: Ba Bump- Black Eyed Peas [:03]
Longest Song: Drugs and Kittens, I'll Drink to That- The Mighty Mighty Bosstones [38:44]

Sort by album:
First Song: Love me Do- The Beatles [1: the Beatles Greatest Hits, or whatever]
Last Song: Only in Dreams- Weezer [no album listed]

Top Five Most Played Songs:
1. Much Finer- Le Tigre

2. Speak to Me, Breathe- Pink Floyd

3. On the Run- Pink Floyd

4. Time- Pink Floyd

5. The Great Gig in the Sky- Pink Floyd [lesson: I have smoked too much weed since the hurricane.]

First song that comes up on Shuffle: Beethoven Symphony #9 in D minor [fucking NPR and shit]
"sex", how many songs come up? : 1
"death", how many songs come up? : 1
"love", how many songs come up? : 23
"you", how many songs come up? : 73


What I learned: lesson 1, I need to stop smoking weed. Lesson 2, I have a lot of Paolo's music on here.

PS
I am no longer in the hospital!!!!!!
I got a new hair cut!!!!!!!
My boobs look hot!!!!!

PPS

How many people find you hott or wanna have sex with you by konfused
name
age
sex
virgin
how many guys want to fuck you	100
how many girls wanna sleep with you	520
how many people picture you naked everyday: 22%
Quiz created with MemeGen!

I am such a dyke. No seriously, wait until you see my new hair cut.

1. Leave me a comment saying, "Interview me."
2. I will respond by asking you five questions. I get to pick the questions.
3. You will update your LJ with the answers to the questions.
4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the same post.
5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.

( my interview with Mia )

btw, I am lusting for XBOX 360 for christmas. I went to the emergency room last night, and didn't get home until 3:30 in the morning so I got to miss school. You know you're jealous! No your not, because I broke all the blood vessels in my face and it looks like I'm breaking out. I'm hideous!

Alack, alas,
Liz.